I was asked yesterday about the spiritual reason for narcissists and empaths being drawn to one another. “Why would we attract narcissists? What soul lessons are involved?”
I’d like to take a minute to comment on that because…
- It’s super important to understand, especially if you’re in the cycle right now
- You can break the cycle, especially as you learn to incorporate the lessons (that’s the hard part, friend, incorporating the lesson)
And before I dive in fully, let’s please recognize that the spiritual reasons and lessons are going to differ for everyone. I’ll be covering only one of the most common I’ve seen so far, and if you have been in or are currently in a narcissistic + empath relationship pattern, this may not perfectly apply to you. It’s simply impossible to generalize and stay perfectly accurate. (But I’m going to try really, really, ridiculously hard.)
The theme I see most often is where an empath meets a narcissist. The empathic individual is spiritually called to heal people. The narcissistic person is in chronic spiritual pain. The empath naturally gives the narcissist the healing energy exchange in the relationship. The narcissist naturally accepts the healing energy, but without the conscious intent to heal.
The empath doesn’t realize the nature of the call to heal others. It’s innate for us. It’s so natural we assume everyone is like that. We assume that if others aren’t reacting in the same way toward us, maybe WE are broken.
Empaths are REALLY good internalizers. We can internalize anything. It comes from feeling things so deeply.
So the empath heals. The narcissist accepts the healing only superficially.
The cycle continues.
The reason the cycle continues is because empaths are healers and we have a deep spiritual need to assist others on their healing journeys, whether it’s physical, emotional, psychological or spiritual. We are good at this.
And narcissists are good at being in pain.
Until we, as individual empaths, learn healthy ways to heal others, the cycle (very generally) continues. We don’t need to dedicate ourselves to a career in healing others, but this is often what many of us choose.
We are called to help.
Unfortunately, narcissists are not good at accepting soul level help.
This can lead to the narcissist + empath pattern…
- If our confidence and self-image is fractured…
- If we believe the lie that we are not enough…
- If we believe it is normal for someone to treat us with disdain and disrespect we couldn’t imagine giving to someone else…
Then we continue the cycle. Unaware of the impact.
Listen, loves, this isn’t a simple issue. This is complex. Every single case is a little different. Beautiful in its own right.
But if you find some truth in trying to heal the unwilling… allow yourself to turn that same healing energy on yourself.
Empaths healing one another is a magical thing. Miraculous.
Reach out to one another here in this safe space. Offer your insight when you feel called to. Give and accept here as practice.
You are loved. SO loved.
I love you. Likely everyone in this group loves you, because that is the empath’s nature. To love deeply, even those s/he has not met.
And that is how we slowly untangle the empath + narcissist relationship.
Healthy healing. Healthy love. Healthy boundaries (boundaries are sacred and don’t you dare listen to anyone who says differently.)
xoxo
Rev. Kerti
I found this article to be very helpful, the insight is so enlightening.
I’m ready to live giving myself the love, understanding and acceptance I freely gave the narcissist in my life. I also, realize I love me more and there’s nothing I can give, say or do to change him.
Thanks for this article, it came right on time.
I have been trying to heal this relationship for so long with no success. All that I want is to make amends with the past and finally moved on but my desire hasn’t been granted. Your article rings so true in my situation. For me to have a relationship with a narcissist is been really challenging there is no way to come close to a person like this and make them understand how one feels not having closure. How can a narcissist set their life to live at war with another? It is funny also how a day or two I found a song (Little respect- Erasure) that speaks exactly what it is to be in this situation. Thank you so much for bringing this to light I really needed this insight into the matter. Blessings.
Jeanine
This was a most accurate insight into the dysfunctional nature of the relationship between the narcissist and empathy. Rev. Kerti, you “hit the nail on the proverbial head”!!!! It spoke directly to me:)
Thank you!!:)
I have been alone for over 25 years. The man that I was with ripped everything from me. I now know that I am stronger and I love myself. I came from a broken home and I craved love, healing him took everything I had.. All my energy and time. Very exhausting. But just recently I decided to open my heart to someone, but I haven’t had any practice in such a long time. Could it happen again?
Is it possible that it will happen again? Of course but isn’t that what separates empaths from narcissists? We have the strength and courage to feel knowing how much pain it can bring. Is it also possible that narcissists were once empaths who were hurt so deeply they shut down all emotion and feeling for survival? They created a disconnect to the perceived source of their pain. I wonder if we aren’t two sides of the same coin so to speak?
“Two sides of the same coin…” That makes perfect sense to me. Thank you for putting into words what I have always known.
I did not mean for this reply to be soooo long. But it has helped me to put into words myself what I have always know within my depths
I am finding that the Universe patiently and gently leads me along. Just this week I was literally lead to books about narcissists. I purchased the books knowing this was my next life class. After a considerable financial investment purchasing every book that author has ever written, I have yet to read one. I tried but I could not get past the 1st paragraph. I must have read that same paragraph 20 times. but something inside me would not let me proceed. I did not understand.until I read your post in the wee hours of the morning. There was a vital prospective missing and I needed that from you. I needed to “hear” your words in order to understand my mother.
I thank you from depths of my soul that has struggled all my life with a deep sense of failure of not being able to heal her.
I was the first born child of narcissistic mother. I “knew” my mother in the womb. I “knew” her pain. I “knew” her fear. In fact I “knew” them so well that I physically manifested them at birth through parically closed vagina that had to be surgically attended to at birth. I also absorb her estrogen, which lead to a term called “Witches Milk”. In case your not familiar with the term: A child can be born with with breast milk in their own breast. Maybe I was preparing to nurse her. The only reassuring thing for such an ugly term is not I knew I was not the first. Also I was born having my 1st period. I guess that was another perk of the estrogen adsorption.
I’m 63 and I am still struggling to set myself free of her. Hopefully I am ready to let go and let God.
I also needed to hear the “two sides of one coin” perspective. This year my 17 year relationship ended with my partner abruptly saying he was done and he felt our soul agreement was finished. He had narcisisstic tendencies I am just now realizing and I am a full on empath. But he is also a healer…who was always in spiritual pain. I was caught in trying to heal him, but never could. He is in his early 70’s and I see he is healing but he couldn’t receive it from me. He shut down his empathy and his ability to receive love/healing on a soul level through extreme childhood trauma. As an empath I always made excuses for his rages and harsh words because I knew how much pain he was in. And I was so attached to staying with him, to continue growing. Ironically, as we started coming out of this pattern, through the grace of the spiritual teacher we both work with, he decided we were “done.” I have had to stop all healing work with others to recover myself with the knowing that I don’t need to help others to prove my worth or my right to exist.
Hello ..im an empath and have been in a painful ten year relationship with a nassasist or pyscopath male pretending to love me as his daughter (we are not blood ) he was friends with my father who died …i did not even know personality disorders existed …he was also my manager as we worked at the same place…the abuse was emotionaly and mentally painful and turned physical till i eventualy pressed charges …im now going through courts and smear campains …its heart ache and im physicaly ill from stress ….i didnt know such evil existed …he told me i was his daughter
Thank you EA! I have been in and out of narcissistic relationships for the last 9 years. It’ll show up in friends and family members including lovers. Right now I am currently struggling separating myself from a relationship that continues to bring so much turmoil to my life. I am such an empath. Even as His constant demeaning ways bring feeling unworthy or questioning my own amount of self love right to the surface. I feel bad and sad at how everyone else will feel if I make harsh decisions. I know it’s an everyday day thing because the U is showing me where I am not honoring myself. I find that the hardest part is leaving. This article pierced through me, I find that the more I begin to love myself the harder the relationship becomes. Can we truly begin to love ourselves as we struggle in this place? Or does it seem better to leave and then begin the process of healing? What is that process? How do we heal? This has been my struggle!!
Hi SA, it’s all about what you’re being guided to do. Listen to the intuitive nudge for your next step, and ask for a smaller step if you find yourself paralyzed. Keep going until you find a next step you can take action on. Once you get momentum, you will be able to honor your intuitive nudges towards healing. The journey is different for everybody, and your next step might differ from other people’s. <3 Big love to you.
Narsisst and empath relotionship are also soulmates.My soulmate is a narssist i am tring everyday cut the cords but everyday i misssing her :(Its a nightmare you loving her but she dont like you…I wanna share a video for cutting etheric bonds its really helpfull;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alkSrIMw3iE&t=6s&list=FLwIFn8EpUs3w56Uc3Eiu6ew&index=1
I love you all and this article is amazing! I would absolutely love to connect with other empaths feel free to find me on Facebook- Ariel Pierre or instagram @the.holistic.mermaid ????????????
Thanks for your article, it helps. I do not even know I am an empath until I met a narcissist. Your article helped me to clear the unknown answer. I was in the cycle of an empath-narcissist relationship for 10 years, in and out of the relationship and each returns bring more suffering and pain until finally I decided I had enough to learn and I am done. I only taught love does not need to be with each other and letting go is a kind of love. So I let it go with love.
I left this relationship for quite some years without having to block whatsapp or emails but I simply ignore whatever messages the narcissist sent me. I did that on purpose, because I wanted to know my heart if it is truly done. Having read through your article is like empowered me to stay strong with my core and believe myself once again that I could still be a good person without having to give healing to everyone. I can select giving healing to people that truly need it in this society.
I wish to thank you once again for bring the light into my soul as a loving person. I love all empath as I do love myself.
I am an empath who has been married to the love of my life for 5 years. I am only now discovering that the love of my life is a narcissist. I am at the point where I am so depleted that i feel I’m running out of love to give. I don’t want to and can’t continue on like this. I am so deeply in love with this man though that i cannot fathom my life going on without him. We have two little boys together and although it has been going on for their entire little lives.I am just now able to reognize the depth of my husband’s narcissism and it’s effect on not only me but our children. I am in desperate need of advice. can this man get better if I somehow convinced him to get treatment?? He says he loves me and he says he cares that I have never felt that love from him…I crave his love. Not hearing “I love you” but FEELING his love . I feel ike it’s easy for others to tell me just to leave. If you don’t feel like he loves you then why would you stay? I guess the answer is that I feel like he had such a bad childhood and never experienced true love so in my heart and my mind I feel that maybe if I just keep loving him he will realize how true it is and desire to reciprocate. I don’t want to give up on this man and I don’t want to give up on this marriage but I have been giving from an empty vessel for quite some time if that makes any sense. I could go on and on trying to articulate how deep my love for him is. I tell him and show him Daily, despite the fact that i feel like i ‘ m dying inside. I NEED HIS love. No one else’s will suffice. Someone please help me. This Giver needs to be given to, this lover needs to be loved. I am sinking fast.Thank y’all for listening. Please pray for us…. any and all kind-hearted advice accepted.
Brianna, I so relate to your story! I also felt this almost desperate need to stay with my ex-partner and convince him that I loved him when he always had one foot out the door and due to his shame wounding could never truly give or receive love…although on the surface it looked like he adored me, when he wasn’t shut down, depressed, angry or otherwise in his trauma reflex. After 16 years I became so exhausted that I had serious adrenal fatigue. We had slotted wounds. Meaning both of us were afraid of being abandoned so I was clinging to him and he was internally running away to protect himself from the possibility of being abandoned. This leads to co-dependence, which is what I hear in your post. What I realize now, is that I wish I had gone to therapy instead of always feeling he was the one that needed it. If he won’t get treatment, I kindly advise that you seek it. The part of you that desperately needs his love, has not been invited yet into your own heart. When that part of you comes into the embrace of your heart and Being then you will have clarity about what your needs are. Co-dependence is a Love Addiction. Sending you Love on your journey!
Just read this welcomed article and I believe that for true empaths to survive in toxic or less dense families they need to be super strong to survive, if they enter relationships or environments that are also toxic they need to become aware of balancing internal energies so extreme giving and receiving does not happen. Giving from a place of centredness and connection to source takes time to master and once mastered ascension can take place. Not an easy process to stay in the centre to command the 4 points or elements of Earth, Fire, Water and Air.
Wow wow wow thank you so much my love.
That helped me just right now SOOO MUCH!!!
I love You!